工作與我

Having a look at my old blog post, the time when I was totally determined to find a job was some time in April. Following my eager determination was months of failure and desperation. The first interview failure was definitely tough, but then subsequent failures and rejections became kind of normal for me.

Mixed emotions. Even when I finally got this petermac job I'm doing now, it took my mind a while to settle. Would I be better off if I got the Telstra job? What about the Origin job? At one point I thought the Business Intelligence positions offered by Telstra/Origin and other listed companies would be the perfect start for me. I realized later that I was just too ignorant and idealistic -- only half of my profile fits the field of BI, and my desire and dream can never count. I failed the job interviews, but I have never regretted that I tried; failure toughens people up, making me more emotionless, more invulnerable, teaching me how to do better in later interviews.

If business intelligence was my "dream job" before, then what am I doing in petermac now? Working as a bioinformatician now, have I given up or forgotten about my dream? No No No. Dreams evolve, what happened before was just a process, where i am now is where i am supposed to be, my destiny. If I am to do a comparison now, definitely the petermac job is far more perfect than the others in all aspects -- honourability, appreciation of my qualification, relatively smooth ride to a good future, and of course, salary.

Okay, my job is great, my previous career dream about business intelligence was crap. What about my other dreams, the other parts of me? Commiting to a job doesn't just take away my other career dreams, it seems to be sucking the whole me into it, little of myself is left on the earth. Right, i only work 8 hrs a day and there is supposed to be a good work/life balance. But why do I not feel like myself anymore! I used to think about how to play better warcraft, how to make myself a billionaire with zero capital, how to think of nothing, and etc, but now I'm not. Am I adopting? Or am I disappearing?